So how weird is this pic of mini-Andy compete with moustache and steely gaze?! He looks determined. *Gulp* What a dude.

After a wee concern re: my tummy measuring a bit small (not really possible, I'm ENORMOUS) we got to have a growth scan.  You're no longer a bean my boy!  Actually you are measuring 10 days bigger, look like a 30year old bounty hunter and just totally gorgeous.

Eeek!  So excited!

xxx

Now I can see you with my eyes shut.  Every detail of your grinning, magical, inquisitive, dimpled being.  I know you.  'You' were right there from birth now that I look back at photos.  I know you and yet you continue to grow, you're pushing your 'self' out into the world more every day, asserting your personality and learning about who you are as I follow or sometimes, it must seem, stand in your way.

Which makes you the most enjoyable company, with your delight of being part of something with someone...forging a friendship, an adventure, a conversation, a game, a make-believe story.  You just don't see the point in being alone.  

I knew it would be you, even though I thought about girls names and flirted with racks of floral prints, I knew it would be you to complete our family, I've always known.  We've had a name for you from the beginning.  It's your name and I can't wait for you to come out here and get it.  I think you are incredibly handsome and you look very thoughtful in there.  Are you listening to your big brother talk and talk and talk?  Do you hear me laugh at his antics and read him books?  Your Dad is so thrilled, he remembers when he was five-ish and found out he had a little brother coming and he's so excited for Louie and you.

Did you hear me cry a bit this morning?  I had such mixed up, strong emotions after our scan.  I cried because I was relieved you were healthy and so beautiful.  I cried because it was exactly right you were you and I had always known.  I also cried because we wouldn't have a daughter.  That rush of feelings swept through me and I was ashamed and guilty and worried you might feel it.  But during the ride home, every time I looked at your picture I couldn't imagine another way...I would have cried if we weren't to have another little boy.  If it hadn't have been you there wondering at it all.

I went out and bought you some sweet little outfits to bring you home in.  I looked and looked at your picture all day and fell so head over heels.  You have no idea how excited we are it is you.

I love you so much my little boy.

xxx

Creeping up on two years old.  Actually, make that stomping, galloping, dancing, leaping up on two years old! 

You are:  Busy, busy, busy, bossy, charming, chattering, sweet, demanding, keen, social, lovely, bright and drop dead gorgeous.

You like:  Those boy obsessions of tractors, trucks, diggers, trains.  Peppa Pig.  Dancing time with mum and dad in the lounge.  Driving in the car.  Food (pretty much all of it).  Books.  Mornings.  Walks.

You dislike:  Stopping at stop lights/signs in the car.  Going to bed.  When your universe doesn't align exactly.  Getting your hair washed.  Coriander.

You say: 

Me:  "What would you like for breakfast Louie?"
L:   " Quinoa salad"  (or on one occasion "Penis salad".  Really??  What even....?)

Me:  "Pooh!  Louie did you just do a poo?"
L:  "No, that's just a fart.  Mummy did a fart"

Andy:  *BIG FART*
L:  "Daddy, need a clean nappy?"

L:  "Mumma, get up!  Go over there!  It's dancing time!  Daddy, turn around!  Talk!" 


And so, so much more.   You're language is astounding and everyone comments on it, you're just a total communicator andvery quick with remembering the names of things.  And you like to be able to tell everybody your wishes, a little bit of a despot.  You've also started telling jokes with us, expanding on our silly talk...tonight we sat at dinner asking each other "Do you like owl ice cream?  Roasted fox?" (a line from the Gruffalo) and you ran with it... "do you like mouse toast?  Cat corn flakes?" smiling and grinning like crazy.

I find you so beautiful, your little face and pointy wee chin, big blue eyes and Little Prince soft curly hair.  Your legs have lost their chubb and are long, your feet are always stretching out to push against something, wriggle, wriggle.  Sometimes I hold them in my hands when we read books and they still for a little while.  Then they take off again...kick, wriggle, push.  They only really stop when you are in a very deep sleep.

You're sleeping now, exhausted from no nap today.  Still in a cot but worryingly lengthy in it.  Your taking your mamma on such a bittersweet journey.

Happy soon to be second birthday honey boy xxx

We've been reading 'The Lion's Paw' to Lou for his whole life (he's reading it here).  For about the last year, when we get to this page he points to the little white haired monkey and very animatedly says 'DAD, DAD, DAD!!!'.

Andy is feeling self conscious and I SWEAR I didn't teach him it.  Could it be the facial hair?

The boy.  He talks and chatters and parrots and reads and explains and asks.  It is mind-blowing to us; one day you were doing this awful, frustrated squeal "EHHHHHHH!!!" at everything and the next, full-on talking.

At 20 months you know the words to nearly everything around you.  Examples for posterity....you can tell me what you want to do "Go in the bath", "Open it up", "Come here" etc.  You told me your tummy hurt today.  And that you wanted to "play train tracks" with "Thomas the Tank Engine".  You understand EVERYTHING, all the most detailed instructions, and you take great delight in following through instructions - "Go to the table please Louie", "Wash your hands",  "Pick up your books and take them to your room please".  I dread the day you realise it's not a game and that you are able to refuse and/or tantrum.  Good lord I know it's coming.

Today we lay together on our bed and you picked up a book of Poppa's.  I asked you to read it to me and you turned the pages and read to me for a long while.  It was apparently about "little ones" and "big ones" for the most part.

I've started pausing mid-way through sentences in books and you finish them off for me;

Me:  "Little Rabbit Foo-Foo riding through the...."
Louie:  "FORRRESSSSST!"
Me:  "Picking up the field mice and....
Louie:  "BOPPPING ON DA HEAD!!"

But even ones we've only read a handful of times:

Me:  " "Not I" said the cheetah lazing in the...
Louie:  "SPOTTED SHADE!!!"

But probably the most interesting part of you being able to verbally communicate is you telling me about things I haven't seen you experience.  When we sat around having dinner after your day at daycare I asked you "what songs did you sing at school Louie?".  You looked at me for a long while, obviously thinking really hard and then replied "Babies wahwah" and did a little rocking motion with your hands.  I didn't know what you meant.  Then you said "Wheeeeels!" and I started singing "The Wheels on the bus".  Your eyes gleamed happily and then you said "Babies!!"  Oh...."The babies on the bus go 'wahwahwah'".  Your eyes popped out of your head, your mum knew your daycare song!  Then you said "Rainbow" and we figured out which Rainbow song you meant by you mumbling "Redandlellowand....".  Amazing.

I know this is the minutiae of you growing up but these are the moments I don't want to forget. This metamorphosis from baby to boy is unreal, these sudden leaps and bounds hurtling you out, up, further away from me.  And yet I feel closer to you than ever.  We can talk.

I told you the other day as you looked at me worriedly, trying something new "Don't worry baby, Mama's here".  You repeated it, as you do everything "Mama's 'ere,  mama's 'ere".   And I watched it sink in.  Mama is here.  It's ok.  Ever since then you say "Mama here?" and reach for me when you're feeling worried.  Mama's here Lou Blue, always xxx

We have so much fun together.  Let it be known, before these days have gone, before you race away from me to catch up with your mates, before you drop back to walk behind me so no-one knows you're with your mum, before you answer my questions quickly so you can get back to your Playstation/comics/book/tv programme.  We have SOSOSOSO much fun together and I treasure these days.  Playgrounds, coffee and fluffies, big walks, library visits.  You grin at me, search me out and cuddle my legs, reach up to be picked up, ask "pweeese?" when you want me to come with you, listen so hard to me talking to you so that you can figure it out and do the task and make me proud.  You make me so proud my Louie Blue.

You talk and talk and talk and talk, parroting back the last word I say or more confusingly, a word you learnt the day before.  Today it was 'cauliflower' and 'on top of car', completely randomly and with totally glee when I finally figured out what you were saying.  You are basically talking, it's just you haven't figured out the filler words.

This little clingy stage you're going through kills me...I love it and yet it breaks my heart.  I'm reveling in the cuddles and need for your mama, and yet I hope my brave, adventurous boy is still there, not too worried or unsure of the world to have disappeared for long.

Child you fill me up.

You are trying super hard to talk, listening intently to everything and repeating a random word:

Me:  "Hey Lou, are you feeling a little bit hot?"

Louie:  "Bit!"


You also interject a lot:

Me:  "Hey Louie, do you... "

Louie:  "Eh?"

Me:  "....want to...

Louie:  "Eh?"

Me:  "....go and get some...."

Louie:  "Eh?!?"

Me:  "....lemons from the tree?"

Louie:  ""LEEEMMMOOOOONS!"  *toddles off to pick lemons*

It's like talking to Manuel off Fawlty Towers.

Having woken up, hours before the sun, and realised we were sleeping in the same room as you (weekend away in Auckland), you refused to go back to sleep and wanted a full-blown, popcorn-and-pillow-fight pajama party.  When we refused and instead tried to tuck you into our bed, you kicked and wriggled and climbed until finally we popped you back into the travel cot and ignored your protests for....One. Whole.  Hour.  After an hour of moaning and chatting and I-think-he's-nodding-back-off,  I finally got up at 6am and got you a nana and some milk and as you nibbled the nana, writhing in tiredness and sorrow, you wailed "Mon-keeeeey!  Mon-keeeeey!" with such bitter sadness it broke our hearts and I had to get you up.  I wrapped us both up in lots of layers and took you out into the cold, out of the apartment where everyone was trying to get some sleep, and on a most unplanned (the best kind) adventure.  Since we were at the Viaduct, we boarded the 6.30am ferry to Devonport, your first time on a boat!  And we sat outside in the wind and watched Devonport approach and the morning sun ascend.  You were spell-bound and I was loving you all up, frustrations and tiredness forgotten.  A coffee, a shared muffin and a brisk walk through the sea air.  I think I'll always remember our morning.

We share so many smiles these days my boy, they never get old and I treasure every beaming one.

** I know I'm really late to the Hipstamatic party and it's probably passe.... but feck it!  I LOVE IT!!

I'm always stuck for ideas of what to do at home so nearly every waking moment the boy and I head out, anywhere, just out.  When we're home we're reading, cooking, bathing or in the garden.

Wow.  

My life was just summed up in two sentences.  Sparse but lovely.

I miss reading books.  And not quick, can't-put-down guilty chick-lit, I miss the ones that make you feel alone in your wonder.

It seems all I read and watch is snippets; blogs, tv shows, Facebook.  It's all instant satisfaction which I'm suddenly finding unsatisfactory and it's clogging my head up.  The problem is, it's helluva addictive.  I like checking in on the lives of others, the blogs I follow, they are a part of my day now.  And Facebook is just stupid-making, I can't leave it alone for a day.  So what to do?  Do I have the will-power to tune out, hang up and log off?  Mulling it over....

Louie on the other hand can't get enough of books.  "Tory?  Tory?"  all day long.