"The night grows cold and I sit before the fire with Alba. Her arms wind around my neck as she watches the flames. In those moments being a Mama is exactly what I pictured.  I may never find the right words to describe what it is like to have the gentle, warm weight of your own child in your arms (if you’re a parent, you already understand), but it holds so much meaning to me. It is something where there was once nothing. It is the strangeness and wonder that is life. That weight is the weight of the world." Nirrimi  http://www.theroadishome.com/april-2013/

Overheard tonight as Louie and Andy shower:

"OooooOooo!"

"Yeah, that's Daddy's diddle.  You've got one too....where's your diddle Louie?"

......

"Gone!"

"No, it's not gone, you just can't see it right now because your belly is too big".

1.  I am thankful that Louie is going to sleep super easy these days.  A story, zipped up into his sleeping bag, a bottle and out like a little light.  Cue cork popping.  Heaven.

2.  This morning we broke the routine, packed Louie into the car after breakfast at 7.30am and went to the Hamilton Gardens for an hour.  Barely a soul there apart from one or two gardeners.  It was magic and Louie's little happy grin lit the morning.


3.  It's Project Runway's final. In 4 minutes!

4.  My cat is lying on my lap.  He is the sweetest thing.  Andy reckons cats are the best invention yet.

5.  I have everthing I need to make this for Mike and Maria's wedding.  Our favourite travelling companions who are having an epic wedding.  Which we can't go to.  In Greece.  Buuuuut....positive!  They're going to love their present.

6.  This positive crap is working!

Today was an awesome day, nothing planned, rainy and uneventful but so lovely.  Just to spend the whole day with just the three of us, out of the house, wandering shops and mall food courts, mooching about.  No one wanting to get elsewhere...no gardening, surfing, business set-up work, checking emails...I can't think of the last time I've had such a relaxing and easy day with my little family.  Louie had so much fun running about jumping on couches and rolling around on rugs in various furniture shops.  A quick cider at Good George while he slept in his stroller was a bonus too.

Keeping Positive II

Today:  I decided I wouldn't push for your afternoon nap, which is hit or miss, and instead took you to the mall to meet up with friends and just mooch about.  The highlight of the day was chasing you around the massive cinema lobby, you giggling madly and as happy as a loon.  It feels amazing to make you laugh.

Tomorrow:  We'll meet some more friends at the park if weather permits and I'll enjoy watching you go adventuring.  You are incredibly independent, it makes me proud.  I watch you move about the world with such confidence and spirit, I hope nothing or noone takes that away from you.

I have to kick some negative thought patterns to the curb, they are a bit of a habit and I'm tired of them. These days at home with Louie are precious, numbered and I'm finding myself grumpy too often, losing motivation and irritable.  Once he's in bed I feel guilty about the bad bits and worried about the next day.

I seem to forget there were great bits too and that there will be awesome times tomorrow sooooo....

....daily, for a week (or whatever...no pressure) I'm going to post something positive about my day and something to aim for or look forward to tomorrow.

Today:  We got up and started the day as usual, with you strutting around in your dressing gown and me bleary-eyed and looking for the coffee plunger.  Outside I noticed the sunrise starting to peak through the dark and remembered there was to be a mass ascension of hot air balloons at 7.30am.  We raced over to the park and watched 6 enormous balloons fill up and take off.  Your eyes just about popped out of your head.  I wondered if you would remember it at next year's balloon festival and felt intensely, for a split second, what it was like to be little, and how long and tremendous every day used to feel.  It made me so excited for you, to have that big adventure ahead of you.

Tomorrow:  I want to enjoy your new found love of dancing, Saturday Night Fever style with fingers pointing and arms thrusting into the air.  I'll put some great Pop on loud and we'll boogie.

*  My camera is still at the workshop so this is an old pic of Louie teasing poor Boo.

So you're now one and one month.  You walk! You started just after your first birthday and now you never crawl, "pffft crawling's for baaaabies". You've got a handle on a lot of stuff now, how to stand up in your highchair, turn on the tv/air con/dishwasher, read and turn pages gently, weed the garden (flowers, weeds.. who cares!).  You love to walk around new places, today we went to the Museum, mall and the park and you stomped around  doing this funny little happy raspy screech accompanied by a big sparkly grin.  I love watching you from afar when we're at play groups or music, you have no fear and approach everyone with a big smile and grabby hands.  You look at EVERYTHING, climb on EVERYTHING, follow the bigs kids around and then every now and then you catch my eye and we smile at each other and my heart jumps.

Louie is freaking turning one.  Just too crazy for words.  Yesterday I came out of the bedroom to find Andy and Louie putting his swing up.  Louie was kinda crouching on his knees helping to untangle the rope, he looked up at me, flashed a mega squinty-eyed power grin and then continued his mission with his dad.  My heart broke because it was such a proper little boy moment.  He is just not a baby anymore to me, he is this delicious, social, adventurous, brave, honey of a boy.  Argggh I love him so much it kills me.

He turns one on Feb 16 while we are at some best mate's wedding so will do our celebrating a bit later. We've a lot of people to thank for this amazing first year of Louie's life...time to get the burgers and beer in.

x

Tonight Andy and I sat, drinking a bottle of cheap bubbles and talked about Louie like we usually end up doing once he has gone to bed (obsessive much?).  Also about how lucky we are.  Our situation this year has been amazing, both at home all day with our boy - Andy working in his office but able to share in so many daily moments, the wake-up smiles, outside baths, the firsts.  All those days, those first special days, are ours.  I am so grateful to be able to stay home with him.  Even though some tough days I look up the situations vacant.  Frazzling, wakeful days where I think going away to work sounds perfect.  But then a day comes along like today where I suddenly see how much you've grown, how wide-eyed and switched on you are, and I thank my lucky stars these days with you are mine because they are fleeting, almost gone.  Soon these days will belong to someone else, a teacher or carer.  They'll see you roll a grape around in your mouth and spit out the skin.  It'll be them you look over your shoulder at, proud with your latest achievement.  They'll pick you up when you bury your head in your hands crying with frustration over some annoyance.  And I have to be ok with that because it's important you have lots of people in your life, people who love you and help you to grow.  But right now these days are ours.

* Not exactly a lie but you are actually almost 10 months old.  The days are flying by.

You crawl!  It happened so quickly, about three weeks ago you started caterpillar crawling...push up onto your knees, move hands forward, drop down onto tummy.  Repeat.  Then a few weeks ago you just got it...and you are off.  You've discovered which door Dad is hidden behind, where the cat bowl is, what corner you're not allowed in.  The world has opened up for you and you're venturing further afield every day.

You love new people and totally charm them with your dimply smile and excited squeal.  Today a supermarket checkout lady said you were the most excited baby she'd ever seen.  You brightened her day.

You are almost over the 4 week cold you've been hanging onto and teething seems to have let up for a while, it is a welcome respite.  You've got 8 teeth and I think the back ones have been moving about for the last few weeks, tough ones obviously.  It sucks to see you in pain.  I wish I could take it all away always.

The guitar is your favourite toy closely followed by the ukelele.  Dad plays to you a couple of times a day and you are fascinated.  You've figured out strumming, now you are concentrating on chord progressions.  Dad taught you 'Gloria' today and you like it a lot.  You can sing it really well.

Baby boy you are a marvel,  it hurts how much I love you.

xxx Mama

8 Months.

7 teeth (soon to be 8), 3 big solid meals a day, 2 semi-ok sleeps during the day, 12 hours sleep at night, 2 twinkling, shining eyes, at least a dozen catch phrases (tatatata, brrruum brrruum, bubububub, dadaaaa etc), 2 strong little legs that DO NOT stop kicking and pushing and 1 little round tummy.  You are a squealing, wriggling, busy, noisy, beautiful delight.  How I love you baby boy.

You are a toothy little monster now, 5 proper teeth out and one just breaking the surface.  It's been a tough month or so with all that action in your mouth...you have been unbelievable brave, trying to smile through the pain but unable to stop the grizzles from escaping.

But yay!  Today you seem happier and I think we have a respite from the teething.  You are now concentrating your efforts on laughing which you think is a pretty hilarious, bewildering thing.  You listen to us laugh and then copy "HARR HARR HA", with serious intensity.  Sometimes you make yourself cry with trying to laugh so hard.  But sometimes you burst into spontaneous giggles and shock yourself.

You are also starting to move more on the ground.  Having figured out that mind-power isn't getting your Moose-y toy any closer to you or grizzling hard in the hope that one of us will hand him to you, you've decided you'd better try this moving business.  Dad is on the case with his training Boot Camp, propping you up on your knees and helping you to face plant toward Moose-y.  You're getting there.

You loooooove food.  You've only every turned away avocado, everything else is tasted, grimaced at, then eagerly scoffed back.  When I give you custard your little arms and hands go into hysterics, flapping away like crazy and you break out the jazz hands all over the place.

Cuddles are ok by you now.  You'd never admit it but when I cuddle you before putting you in your bed you wrestle me a bit then snuggle in and coo.  And a couple of times when you wake in the night I've been able to cuddle you back to sleep.  Heaven for your mama.

Your dad is insane crazy about you, every time he hears us chatting in your room he downs tools and comes in to mess you up and get you hypo, rolling you around on the bed, chucking you into pillows, tickling you with his beard.  Then he goes back to work leaving me with a red faced, shrieking, over-stimulated little boy.  But that's cool, you totally love it.

Love you my Muffin Man xxx

Lately the days have been getting warmer, we are spending more time outside in our new yard and you love it.  I can leave you on your rug and go pull up weeds for quite a long time and you just go into a dream state, watching the trees and the clouds, studying the grass, touching daisies and just thinking about everything.  You are doing amazingly my beautiful boy  xxx

 Bathtime  /  BFF  /  Poseurs  /  Teething  /  Favourite toy ever  /  Tummy time  /  Andy' Birthday cake  /  Birthday double yolkers for Andy and Louie!  (I ate Louie's...)

Happy six month birthday Louie my boy.  You have grown up with ease and grace, and now, so must I.  It is time to shake off First Time Mother's Syndrome.

From here on in I'll try:

*  to let you be grizzly/wriggly/grumpy/quiet without Googling "my baby is grizzly/wriggly/grumpy/quiet"
*  not to photograph every little thing you do all the time and instead;
*  to spend more time watching you grow, learn and be
*  to keep discovering the world alongside you
*  not to worry when you change the rules
*  to enjoy you, at your pace
*  not to let the grizzles get to me
*  to continue doing all I can to ensure you are happy
*  to stop at least 80% of the pointless worrying
*  to let the guilt go
*  to be more confident in my decisions
*  to listen to and trust my instincts

You are total amazingness Smoosh.  I love you more than you will ever know.